Anger
by Hotaru Yuy
Summary: Hotaru is cold and rude, can someone help her to understand and recieve her emotions.


I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon.

****

Hotaru's thoughts are in bold. The ~*~*~*Flashbacks~*~*~* are things that could have happened a REALLY long time ago, or they could have happened recently. That's for you to figure out.

Oh…the agony and pain. **Why me why is it always me? It can't go on, when will it stop? **These thoughts were racing through Hotaru's mind. **Why does it always happen to me?** For the fifth time in a week Hotaru had been fighting to protect the humans of planet earth. She again, and again, had been hit by the monsters tentacle like arms. Yet she had lived, with her "gift" she had healed herself and survived yet another certain death. 

~*~*~*Flashback~*~*~*

" Hotaru, are you ok?" came a foggy voice. Suddenly her blurry vision came into focus and she saw her older brother Quatre, looking at her with his usual worried look on his face. 

" Yeah, I'm fine." she replied. Hotaru had just had another battle with a youma and had been rendered unconscious. 

" Are you sure?" the inevitable question came.

" Quatre!!! I am fine, haven't you figured it out yet, I am immortal!!! I have a "gift" I can heal myself from any injury!!!" she shouted. Walking off angrily. She didn't know why, he'd only been worried about her safety, but it made her so mad. 

~*~*~*End Flashback~*~*~*

**There it was again, that untamed anger. Why was it like that, why? Some times I just scream at people, I just hate them. Why do I care anyways, they're just stupid humans. They hurt each other everyday and nobody says that they're sorry so why should I? I hate this stupid planet, if it wasn't for Quatre I'd kill it all, just start it all over. That would be nice, to have peace, for once there might even silence. Maybe I could return to normal me, but no not after that day. No one would be normal after that.**

~*~*~*Flashback~*~*~*

Hotaru was looking for Quatre, it was after school and the hall ways were silent. She suddenly heard a noise coming from down the hall, it turned out to be about five football players, big football players.

" Hey, baby. Wanna have some fun?" asked a football player, in the hall way as Hotaru walked by in a black leather mini-skirt and a violet tank top.

" Back off jerk!" she responded.

" Ooooo…a feisty little girl eh boys." he said, pushing Hotaru up against the dark blue lockers. 

" Hey, I said to get lost." Hotaru said in her monotonous voice.

" Hey, when I say that we want to have fun, we have fun." he replied, a serious look upon his face. As a last effort Hotaru pulled away from him and started to run down the hall; but being football players, they sped after her and soon caught up. Grabbing her wrists, two of them stopped her and another proceeded to hit her.

" Stop." a loud voice came, it was their "leader" he continued " We can't do this here, someone would see us. Let's take her to the woods that are behind the football field." he suggested. A murmuring of approval came from the rest, and left. Hotaru being dragged along helplessly. When they reached the field they flung her on the ground.

" Let me leave, I won't say a word. Just let me go." she begged. The football players just laughed.

" Why would we let you go?" one said, with a smile on his face. He then bent down and started to rip her clothes off. Hotaru was struggling when a voice rang out.

" Leave her alone, or I'll be forced to hurt you." the deep voice said. All the football players turned around to face a young man with Prussian eyes and dark, unruly hair.

" Oh yeah, what are you, gonna do to us? We outnumber you ten to one." he replied with a smile.

" I'm gonna do this." the young man replied, lashing out with his fist, and punching the guy who stood only inches in front of him. What followed after was a gruesome fight that ended in a lot of beat up football players who ran off to cry to their mommies. 

" Are you all right?" the guy who'd practically saved her life asked.

" Yeah, I'm fine." Hotaru said, with not even a hint of gratitude. She then walked off in the direction of the parking lot. (A.N. no she's not naked, he only got her skirt off and she had shorts on underneath.) The young man ran after her. 

" Hey, don't you even want to know who I am?" he asked

" Not really." she replied, not looking back at him.

" My name is Heero Yuy." he said, ignoring her remark. 

" That's nice." she said, picking up her pace, and finally reached her car. She got in, started the car, and left. Leaving a very confused Heero behind. 

~*~*~*End of Flashback~*~*~*

****

How could I? He saved my life and I didn't even say thanks. Well I guess that's just me. I remember our second meeting, where I saw him for what he really was. 

~*~*~*Flashback~*~*~*

" Hey Heero, wait up." Quatre called to his friend. Dragging a girl behind him, he sped up to meet Heero. " I want you to meet some one." he motioned to the girl next to him. " This is my sister Hotaru. Hotaru this is one of my very best friends, Heero Yuy."

" We've met." Hotaru said monotonously. 

" Really, when." Quatre questioned uselessly. For Hotaru had walked away.  
" Yeah I got that too." Heero said dryly. Quatre ignored his comment and ran to catch up with his sister. 

" Hey, what was that?" he asked.

" Quatre, I don't want to meet your friends! I don't want to know about your life, or how you live! Haven't you figured it out yet?!?!" she ranted.

" Hotaru calm down. I'm sorry, I didn't…know…you felt that way." he said slowly. " Hotaru what's wrong?" 

" Nothing's wrong. I'm perfectly fine, can't you see, not a scratch or bruise anywhere. I don't even get sick anymore. I'm not normal!!!!" she said yelling the last part. Heero walked up unnoticed by Hotaru or Quatre. 

" Why aren't you normal?" he asked. Hotaru still a little crazy answered him. 

" You wanna see." out of nowhere she transformed into Sailor Saturn. Seeing the astonished look on his face she continued, " Oh that's not it, watch this." taking her glaive she cut a long and deep gash from her shoulder to her wrist. Heero gasped, amazed at why her brother hadn't tried to stop her, for Quatre was looking on with only mild interest. After a few seconds he figured out why, a purple glow had now covered the wound and in the next second it was gone and her arm looked, except for a small scar, as if nothing had happened. Heero amazed by this, looked at her and walked away quickly.

~*~*~*End of Flashback~*~*~*

****

What a jerk. He was the one that wanted to know, and when he did find out he walked off. Why for one second did I think that he would accept me? I'm so stupid, I can't believe I fell for it. He even tried to say sorry, well at least I didn't fall for it that time

~*~*~*Flashback~*~*~*

" Hey, Hotaru wait up." Heero called to Hotaru. She didn't stop or slow her pace, but he caught up with her. " Hey, I'm sorry about the way I reacted when you told me. It's just I was really surprised…"

" Stop" she said, stopping him in mid sentence, with her usual monotone. " Don't pretend like you're really sorry, I get that reaction a lot and by now you are no different than the others. Now that you've said you are sorry, you can go tell everyone in the damn school that I'm a freak, ok." she finished, the last part a bit quieter than the rest. 

" No, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to just walk off, but you've got to admit that was really amazing." he said. 

" Amazing!!! Amazing!!! Fine you take it, I don't want it. If I could give you my "gift" I would. I hate it. You try living through about a hundred wars, seeing your friends die. You do that, and still keep your perspective about your "amazing" gift. I'd like to see you try." she said, for the first time, with emotion.

" I'm… sorry. I didn't know you had to go through that much." he replied hesitantly. This however was unheard by Hotaru for she had left him behind after her sudden speech. 

~*~*~*End of Flashback~*~*~*

**Emotion, I showed emotion to that human! I can't believe I did that. Not to mention that he thought he knew how I felt. The idiot, he wished he had this **(A.N. she's talking about her "gift" and her life)**. Why would a person want this. Living through wars, seeing thousands of people die. Being responsible for some of their deaths. That would make any normal person go insane, but then again I'm not normal. **

~*~*~*Flashback~*~*~*

" Prepare for death, little girl." yet another youma taunted. 

" I am death." she replied. (A.N. guess who.) a look of fear crossed the youma's face as Hotaru muttered a few words under her breath and the youma was blown into nothingness. She then collapsed to the ground, going into a dreamless sleep. Waking up, she noticed that she was not at her apartment. She was at her brother's mansion.

" Why am I here?" she asked to a dark figure at the door. Surprised that she had noticed him Heero stepped forward. 

" I saw your battle with that creature, when you blacked out I took you here, since I didn't know where you lived." he replied. 

" Where is my brother?" she said, disregarding his explanation. 

" No one is here but you and I." he responded. 

" I'm leaving, tell Quatre I am fine." she said, ignoring his protest. " Remember, my "gift" I am perfectly capable of leaving this house, and I am perfectly capable of killing you if you try to stop me." Hotaru continued, starting to feel suffocated by the room, and the guy that was in it. She got up, making sure that all of her wounds were gone, grabbed her jacket and walked out the door. (A.N. when she collapsed, she automatically de-transformed.) 

~*~*~*End of Flashback~*~*~*

****

How stupid could he be, after one month he forgot. I can't believe I even told him. I wonder what made me want to tell him? Some thing was obviously wrong with me. I've never told some one of my own free will, have I? Oh well, enough of that, at least if I had a problem some one could vouch for me. Or if I needed to talk to some one, at least I could go to some one besides Quatre. Yet I don't need to talk to him he can see everything without my having to tell him anything.

" Hotaru, Hotaru… earth to Hotaru." Heero called

" What, do, you, want?" she answered slowly.

" Something's wrong." he said, looking into her eyes and seeing it immediately. 

" Nothing's wrong." she replied

" Tell, me." 

" Heero Yuy, I've known you for a month. And you expect me to tell you all my troubles and worries. I think not. I've lived with them for this long, I think I'll survive without you." with that she walked off. 

****

Later

" Hotaru, why did you treat him that way, he was only trying to help." Quatre asked.

**__**

" He doesn't know me. I didn't treat him any different than I would treat anyone else." Hotaru said in her defense.

" That's just it. You treat everyone like crap. Hotaru, you have to find a way to be a little nicer to people." 

" Why? You aren't nice to each other, so why should I try to be nice?" she said with a certain malice.

" What do you mean each other?" Quatre said, confused.

" Your people, you. Everyone on this planet besides me." she replied. 

" Hotaru, you are just like us."

" No! I'm not just like you. In fact I'm completely and totally different. Quatre, I'm immortal." she replied sadly.

" What do you mean, when we adopted you, you were only three." 

" No, I only looked three. Do you remember how I could walk and talk like a normal adult, only I had the body of a three year old. I was 1,000 years old then." she said. When finishing she brought her head up, to see the astonished face of her brother. 

" I don't understand." 

" Of course you don't. You people don't believe in magic, immortality or anything like that. Well, it's true. I should have told you a long time ago. It could have saved me some grief, but I didn't. But you must believe me, I've lived for 1,019 years, why would I lie?" she said, searching his eyes for any sign that might give away his thoughts. When seeing nothing, she returned to staring at her shoes. Quatre brought his hand up to her face and tilted her chin up so that she could see him. 

**__**

" I believe you Taru." he replied softly, before walking away. Unknown to anyone, Heero Yuy stood behind a tree, hearing their entire conversation.

****

Quatre, how could I think that he wouldn't believe me? He's the closest thing I've got to family. I miss it. I miss everything that I used to be. No! No, I don't. They all died, they're dead and gone, and I'm not going to miss them. Just like I won't miss anyone here. No one, I won't miss any one, not even Quatre. But why, why do I have a feeling that I will? Even that stupid Heero Yuy.

~*~*~*Flashback~*~*~*

" Hotaru, are you ready?" a girls voice asked. 

" Yeah, I'm ready." a happy Hotaru answered back to the five girls that were waiting for her. One of the girls with odango's looked at her with a smile and said:

" Well, let's go, I'm starved!" 

" Usagi, you're such a pig." a girl with dark hair and violet highlights said, mockingly. 

" Rei, don't tease her, she hasn't eaten all day." a brunette replied, with a hint of a motherly tone.

" Yeah, Makoto's got a point Rei, you shouldn't be so condescending." a blond with her hair in a bow a girl named Minako. The only one who hadn't added her comments to the small argument was a girl with blue hair cut short.

" You guys, it doesn't matter. Let's just eat." she said, now joining the conversation.

" Yeah, I agree with Ami. Let's go." Hotaru said. The rest of the girls nodded their agreement and exited the room, walking to two separate cars. Hotaru stepped into the drivers seat of one, while Minako opened the door of the drivers side on the other car. 

" Where are we goin?" the one named Usagi asked.

" I though Giorgio's would be a good place to eat." Hotaru suggested.

" Sounds great." the others agreed. When they got to the small pizzeria called Giorgio's all the girls got out and went to see if Giorgio would give them a table. And after a small conversation with the owner himself they got a table, and a meal on the house. (A.N. I don't want to go through the tedious work of having to describe their meal, so nothing really great happened. They just ate.) When their meal was done the girls got ready to have a quiet night at home. When suddenly a beeping sound came from Ami's purse. Taking out a small blue computer with the sign of Mercury on it Ami gasped.

" Come on. We've got to get out of here and transform. There's a very dark power forming at The Center (A.N. that's a museum)." she said quietly. The girls, hearing her quickly got up and left the restaurant. They found an alley where each transformed into a Sailor Senshi, Usagi into the Senshi of the Moon, Rei into the Senshi of Mars, Makoto into the Senshi of Jupiter, Minako into Senshi of Venus, Ami into the Senshi of Mercury, and finally Hotaru into the Senshi of Saturn. The girls then rushed over to The Center to find a very powerful Negaverse monster attacking people and taking their energy. Immediately all the Scouts started attacking the monster with all of their power, only to find that their attacks were turned on them. After only a few minutes all of the Scouts except Hotaru were bloodied and extremely weak. Hotaru was in the process of trying to heal a large head wound on Minako. When suddenly the monster finally took notice of the girls that had been attacking it. 

" You stupid children, you cannot defeat me. I will kill you all." it jeered. 

" Hotaru, you must kill it." the Senshi of Jupiter called to with her last words, before falling dead. 

" Yes Hotaru, you must defeat it or this world will suffer unbelievable pain. I can see it." Mars called, seeing a sudden vision of the future. 

" But, what about you?" Hotaru sputtered.

" Forget about us, think about all the people will suffer for things that they did not do." the meek Ami interjected. Hotaru then summoned all the strength in her body and gave her last attack, killing the monster and everything within a ten foot radius of it, that being the rest of the Senshi. When the attack had finished Hotaru collapsed on the ground. When she awoke she wept at the thought of the only people in the world who understood her. 

" They're gone." these words she repeated over and over again. 

~*~*~*End of Flashback~*~*~* 

****

A tear silently rolled down Hotaru's cheek as the painful memory came back. She was lying on her bed, she got up and got ready for school. **How could I have done that? Just killed them, without a second thought. I've got to have a little emotion in me, just a little. That's all I want, can't I have just a little? **She asked an unknown source. Just then the doorbell to her small apartment rang. She went to answer it, only to find one Heero Yuy on her dingy doorstep.

" Do you know that you live in a really bad neighborhood?" he asked bluntly. 

" Nothing's bad until proven so." she said, and in reply to her statement the scream of a girl being raped was heard.

" My point." he said matter-of-factly.

" Why are you here?" she asked.

" Because, you've been…what I mean is that something's wrong. You can't just be totally unemotional."

" Actually I can." she stated before slamming the door in his face. The doorbell rang again, and Hotaru opened the door slowly. 

" Can I come in?" he asked. Hotaru made a gesture that suggested that he could. Heero stepped into the bare, but clean apartment. 

" I've noticed that you've been staring off into space a lot." he stated.

" So, I've been daydreaming, big deal. Is that why you came all the way over here?" she said scathingly.

" I also overheard your conversation with Quatre in the park." he said quietly.

" You eavesdropped!?!?!?! Not to mention on a private conversation with my brother!!!!!" she said irately.

" I didn't mean to, I was just there and I heard you talking about immortality." 

" Great!!! Like I didn't have enough problems, now I've got a guy who can tell the whole world that I'm immortal." Hotaru said to herself, more than she said to him. 

" No!!!" he shouted, getting her attention " I'm not going to tell anyone. I just want you to know, that I know a lot about you and I haven't betrayed you yet. When are you going to trust me, and tell me why you are like this?"

" I am the way I am." she declared softly. " There is no reason, I am just this way. The question is when will you understand?"

" I may not have known you for very long, but…for some strange reason I'm very protective of you. I just want to know." he responded.

" Well, get over your over protectiveness, cuz I can take care of myself." she said, back to her rebellious self. 

" Fine, don't tell me. I'll soon find out on my own. I'll go now, but this isn't over." he replied. When he'd finished, he showed himself out. **Hm…I wonder what he meant by that? Oh well, what is up with him? Why does he think that he has to protect me? I mean aren't I the one whose immortal? He's so confusing. What was I doing before he showed up?**

"Oh…" she gasped as the memory came back.** How could I have done that? Heero's right, I have to have some emotion. Don't I? Or am I just a total freak? **Seeing the time Hotaru noticed that she was late. She grabbed her books and went to her car. **Guess I'll have to catch up with this later.**

Oh yeah, I don't own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing. Wow…I think that, that was the longest chapter I have ever written. I hoped you liked it. If you did can you PLEASE review so I can know whether or not to continue on with it.


End file.
